Over the weekend I was doing some searching through some archived computer files, converting some of the more interesting ones into Word format so I could read them again. Along the way, I found some stuff I'd forgotten I still had, including some old scripts a friend and I wrote, some old seminar papers, and a real piece of work: the daily journal I kept when I was a college senior.
For whatever reason, back then I thought it would be interesting to sit down at the end of the day and write down the day's happenings. (I think I'd been influenced by the then-recent release of The Haldeman Diaries.) And, for whatever reason I did this, I'm glad I did. I read through the journal yesterday, and it did a lot to knock the sepia tones off my memories of my senior year. There were moments that made me ache with nostalgia, yes (the parts where I described working on the staff of the student paper along with some really wonderful people), and parts that reminded me of bad stuff I'd forgotten (for example, a couple of instructors I had who were real pieces of work).
It's odd reading from that younger version of me. For one, I had a sharper wit back then than I give myself credit for. I was also a lot better journalist then than I remember, too. And, as is usually the case when anyone looks back on their younger selves, I'm struck by how naive I was. There are also moments when I realize just what a blockhead I was. I read through and sometimes I wished I could holler out to the yesteryear me, "No! Stop, you idiot! Don't do it!" (Nope, none of it involved anything you normally associate with college kids, so if you're looking for tales of booze or sorority hi-jinks, you'd be disappointed. I never pledged to anything, and I remain proud to have been independent. Still, some things I did, I cringe to remember.)
I think what comes out of it for me are two things. First, today is a lot more like yesterday than I realize. It's just that instead of being seated in the classroom, I'm now the one at the front. Other than that, it's not that different. I'm just seeing the job from a different angle. The other thing I took away from it is not to complain about my life, or my job, now. I look back on everything I was doing back then, and I can't imagine keeping myself going in so many different directions. Sure, the job I have now has demands, but most of them revolve around one thing. It's like looking back on high school and thinking, "Man, I sure am glad that's over with." Maybe you miss your friends, the Friday nights out, but you sure don't miss the homework or the exams. It's the same with college: I miss my friends, and I miss the fun I had working with the rest of the newspaper staff, but I sure don't miss those early-morning science labs or the math classes.
Wherever you are now, yesteryear me, thank you for keeping that journal. You had no idea then just what kind of service you were performing.
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