There's been a very good reason for the lack of substantial postings the last few days. Some of it is because of the new school year, and that's unavoidable. But there's more to it.
The personal journey that decided to unfold itself during the ride home from Fairbanks has been very, very interesting. And, as I'm finding, much-needed. In the process of living my daily life and doing the career thing, I've focused very much on just surviving from day to day. I haven't thought long-term, and my existence has just been sort of situational.
Live long enough like that, and some things will build up and some ambitions will get put on hold. It's like running an engine for a really long time and not regularly changing the oil or running injector cleaner through it. You're gonna build up a lot of gunk. And the long ride home from Fairbanks, as I sat and watched the breathtaking scenery roll past, made me realize just how much gunk I've accumulated, and made me resolve to do something about said gunk.
It so happened that one way to get rid of said gunk was to find someone to talk to about it. It so happened that not long after my return from Alaska, I made the acquaintance of someone who, among her other professional interests, is a specialist in sports psychology. This turned out to be a good thing, if you really think about it: someone who knows about the implications of ambition, intense training, competitiveness, and the entire range of what all that does to you inside, good and bad. So she's been good for me.
The time I've spent with her has forced me to think about things I haven't in a long, long time. And I found that the mere act of getting them out was in itself a release and an awfully good dose of medicine. Just getting them out did so very much for me, it wasn't funny.
And one thing I got out, in all this: I'm sick and tired of just having a student license. I do not like that my logbook is locked in our safe, still stuck at just short of 14 hours. I was tired of telling myself "you're not bright enough," because after walking across the coals I've realized that, yes, I am bright enough and I need to quit telling myself otherwise.
Now I am starting to realize that with that part done, it's now a matter of logistics. It's about finding the money and the time. The money was sort of an issue because if you knew what I made for the profession I'm in, you'd swear I was a liar. And the time was an issue because I have to keep goofy hours, and the airport where I'd previously trained was sort of a hike from home.
But over the weekend, some things happened.
I don't know how I got it in my head, but the flying thing got back on my mind while I was driving somewhere Saturday morning. When I came back home, I stumbled across a Firefox bookmark for a flight school I knew about and that looked especially appealing given certain interests of mine. I sent an e-mail requesting more information about a training program. Then, remembering that multiple, interlocking fields of fire are always a wise decision, I remembered that my annual membership dues help support this database. Sure enough, I found at least two flight schools within comfortable driving distance of home and work. One even offers a program that would not only let me pay up front (which, given my salary and finances, would be very important), and it would not only be within the range of what I could afford, but it would allow me to work full-time on it during my summer break next year. Training by immersion is how I learn best, and it looks like this would be just the ticket. I'm trying to arrange an on-site visit so I can suss them out, and have set an appointment for this coming weekend with the other local flight school. So, be the Good Lord willin', I should be back in the cockpit as scheduled next summer.
Now, for the finances? Well, with this kind of motivation behind me, I ran a budget over the weekend and found that, yes, if I work my budget just right, there will be some cash to finance part of it. I'll have to cut some things and do without others, but I can still meet my obligations. The rest? Well, I can find a way to finance it somehow, but I won't have to finance all of it. That's part of the logic of starting this planning now, so I will have time to explore my options. But, for now, the next assignment I've given myself is to go to the bank next pay day and open a new savings account just for flight training. Every pay period I'll transfer X amount of money to this account. It won't finance the whole thing, but it'll make a serious contribution to the cause.
And, by hook or crook, it's going to work. No more coming up short, because I'm going to make it happen this time.
The last several weeks have been an odyssey -- not always fun, but very much needed, like giving my mind a good tune-up it's needed for a long, long time. And for everything that's happened that's gotten the gunk out of the little engine inside my head, it's sure been worth it.